Where Am I Going

This post was actually inspired by a question a Facebook friend asked, but since this is a topic I'm planning to discuss on its own and not with any other questions, I thought I would just let it be a regular blog post.

First, a little history which I will try to keep brief: I started modeling at about this time in 2009. Prior to a couple brief conversations and failed situations a year or two before, I'd never really considered modeling. Honestly, I'd always thought my intelligence was my strong point and I wasn't really that physically attractive. I had taken a course in photography (slide film in a Pentax K1000) in college, but the instructor was not that inspiring and seemed to particularly dislike me, probably because I wasn't able to drop a few hundred dollars on a better camera like some of the other students, and so I never really considered photography.

An attempt at something gothic inspired from my first shoot, Photographer: John Wilson

Once I got into modeling, and just before, I wanted to do pin-up modeling with cars and gothic/fetish fashion (including latex, gothic Victorian, and Japanese Gothic lolita/elegant lolita). What I ended up doing was a very small amount of self (and not well) styled gothic, and then a lot of portrait type stuff, and then lingerie and swimwear, and then about two months in I started doing nudes. I did a mix of clothed and nudes for a while, then started depending on the shoots (mostly nude) for income, then realized that wasn't going to happen where I lived, and still stuck with mainly nudes because that's what I enjoyed and what I was good at. I never had any inkling of wanting to be a photographer until about a year into being on Zivity. I had some old sets, but that photographer was no longer in the picture and I wanted to shoot more sets to try and bring in a little more income. At first I just did single shots and not really any sets, but I quickly started shooting sets. I just did that for a while, but then I started doing shots just to have one or two photos as "art" and not for a set or anything. I still do that. I shoot a set, and then I'll shoot some concepts.

As far as my freelance modeling (for other photographers) goes, that has slowed down. I used to shoot every week or a couple times a week, but circumstances have changed and I have a pretty decent portfolio so unless a concept really catches my attention or the money is really good and within a short distance, I just don't shoot a lot outside of group shoots, which I love because I can shoot with multiple people all in a day or two and even if one shoot goes a bit wrong, I know I'm still going to get photos from the other shoots to make my time worth it, and I very rarely have a shoot that I get nothing out of anyway. I also enjoy doing workshops, but nobody local to me (within half hour or less) seems to offer them with a good reputation and decent pay.

One of my more experimental self portraits, part of my Blue series

I have never had a real interest in photographing other models or anything else. I photograph myself because I want to model and in order to do that and get photos, I need a photographer. Because I have health, time & transportation issues photographing myself just works. I do like assisting other photographers in shooting other models, helping with posing and lights, etc, but right now I'm just not into the idea of shooting other models. I think this is because most of my ideas are very personal and centered around myself as the model.

So, that's pretty much where I am right now. I haven't been shooting as much self portrait work because my shooting space is constantly filled up with art work and event stuff for the events I work on. I also just don't feel as inspired to shoot now as I did when I first started self portraits. I see less income on my Zivity sets and I haven't done as well selling prints on Etsy as I had hoped. I am working on figuring out how I can do better on both of those sites since I think once I figure that out I might feel more like shooting. A lot of it is also that I just don't have any new ideas that I'm dying to shoot, either. I've shot most of the wardrobe I have and most of what I have left doesn't look good on the background choices I have and since I prefer minimal editing, that is a pretty big factor.

A conceptual piece done with DVS, based on tattoos, done without Photoshop

I am talking to DVS about shooting more with him. I may not feel like shooting myself, but I can model almost any time. It is just the setting up of the camera and lights and backdrop that takes quite a while and often I get so frustrated that I end up not even wanting to shoot by the time I'm done. I know that sounds not so pleasant, but this is my diary and that is the truth. Again, I think cleaning out the space will help when I can do that because then I can leave my lights and such out. Anyway, I've been discussing some concepts with DVS and once a few other things are done, I think we'll definitely be shooting more. And that will probably spark me to shoot more self portraits.

In general, I'd like to start doing more work with make-up (of which I have plenty :P ) and with stylized outfits. Things like cosplay, dark beauty work, pin up, and so on. In line with that I want to start doing more clothed, or partially clothed work. I still want to do nudes, but I'd really like to explore other area of my modeling as well and I know I will have to work hard to get photos that I like as much as my nudes since I've had far more practice with those.

One of my first make-up centered self portraits, I'd like to explore these more

I would also like to experiment more with my lighting and different bulbs. I like continuous lighting and hot lights, and I don't really want to work with flashes or strobes. My space is fairly small (it's a dining room) and the lights I use are also ideal for self portraits because I can see the lighting right away. I want to try some backlit stuff and DVS is showing me how to do that, but the lights have to be positing just right and if I move too much, it's not going to work so it will require even more shooting and checking and back and forth to the camera/my laptop than my usual self portraits do.

I also think at some point in the future I might like to be hired to help in posing and directing models. And maybe one day I will start shooting other models. I haven't totally shunned the idea, I just don't feel it's a good fit for me right now. I might also start to play around with nature photography. I'm a little surprised I haven't already given that I love nature and animals, and tend to notice and focus on them a lot. I just need to get better at angles and perspectives. My snapshots of things are horrible!

I've thought about trying to enter in more shows, but so far that's just been a lot of expense with little to no return. I know that's kind of how it goes, but I don't like pouring money into it without seeing any kind of return. I'd rather share my work online where I at least get feedback and nice comments ^_~ I'll still be showing occasionally, but not on any large scale for a while, I think.

I don't plan to give up either modeling or self portraits any time soon. I have yet to find another art form that I feel successful at and I enjoy it. I like being able to share myself in different ways and modeling is a big part of that.

"Stigmata," a conceptual shoot with Dassault Diaries, I'd love to do more like this