Some Words About Safety

Photographer: Shot by Carl
Model: Dekilah (me)

This is going to sound like common knowledge to a lot of you, particularly if you've been at this a while, but if you're new to modeling or model photographer, or if you're a fan & supporter you might not know these things.

First, safety is an issue for models, but it's one that can be handled professionally and usually effectively with a little common sense and few solid practices. This is what I've done and this has worked for me for 5 years now, and I've yet to have a serious issue.

1) I start by looking at the photographer's portfolio or images they have available. I ask myself "Am I comfortable shooting what I see here?" if not, I either decide to clarify my limits (if I see just a few images past my limits) or I decline the project if it seems like it's just completely out of my zone. I do not care to put myself in a situation where someone thought I was okay with doing something that I simply don't do and I don't assume they read my limits/bio/etc if it looks like they haven't.

2) I always clarify any relevant limits in pre-shoot communication. For example, for an art nude shoot I might say: "Just to remind you, I'm comfortable with full nudes, but no open leg and no close up shots of my pubic area unless we discuss it first." I feel like telling people what I am willing to do and then mentioning a couple key boundaries cuts out the room for misunderstanding.

3) If someone seems like they're pushing my lines in pre-shoot communication I kindly set them straight right away. It's my job to decide what limits I want to push, I never, ever let myself be talked into something even if it's something I might want to try some day. My rule here is that I only shoot it if I'm 100% confident that I'm going to be okay with what I'm showing. If I'm not sure, I wait until I am.

4) If anything seems fishy or if I ask around and get icky feedback that is consistent, I don't book that shoot. I don't care how good the pay is or how talented the person is. My safety is number one. That being said, I also don't believe everything I hear. I don't place huge importance on second or third hand stuff. I like to talk to models who have actually worked with a photographer (or possibly a photographer who shot with them at a group shoot). And I ask for specifics on what happened. "I don't like him" isn't enough and "Oh, I heard that he's a creeper" (with no evidence) isn't working for me either, unless I hear it from multiple first hand sources.

5) Along with what I covered in #4, I trust my own instincts. If the photographer comes off as creepy to me, I don't shoot with them no matter how many glowing references they have. Even if I'm wrong, and I haven't been so far, I don't think the shoot would go well if I feel like something is off with the photographer.

6) Once the shoot is booked and I arrive, I stay smart during the shoot. I don't flirt with the photographer and I don't feed any casual flirting they may do. Sometimes they can do that because they're nervous or trying to make light and that's totally fine, and I'll smile or laugh a little, but I don't continue on with it. I know we all say that a shoot is a professional place and everyone should just magically understand that anything is just in fun and it's fine, but I still try to remember that given our social norms that nudity and lingerie still aren't something most people see every day. Translation: I don't hug the photographer naked, I don't wiggle my butt suggestively, and I don't say things like "I bet you think I look really sexy right now, don't you?"

7) I always make sure someone knows where I'll be shooting and I text when I arrive/start shooting and then when I'm done shooting (and would again when I got home if that was relevant). I don't make a big show of it, but it's a good way to let the photographer know that you are in contact with someone. I do not text during the shoot. The only time I might text again would be during a break of a long shoot.

8) If the photographer asks me to do a pose or concept I'm not comfortable with I calmly say "I'm not really comfortable with that, can we try something else?" Of the two times this has happened, the photographer then apologized, and we moved on. It really doesn't need to be any more than that. However, if the photographer continues to push and you have to say no more than one more time, that's when I would consider ending the shoot, putting on my robe, or something else quick, calling someone immediately to chat with while I pack up (not about the situation necessarily, let's not feed the fire, but just to make it clear that you're in touch), and just leave. This has NEVER happened to me, but this is probably what I'd do if I did. But in any case, the important thing is not to start a fight or a huge argument with the photographer.

9) If you feel you need to bring someone to a shoot for your safety, you probably shouldn't be doing that shoot. By the way, I don't shoot with an "escort" now but I have in the past. Yes, I know that probably surprises some of you, but I wasn't doing it for safety other than for a handful of cases (which were private, paid shoots in someone's home and the someone was not a serious photographer). I had someone with me because I felt more comfortable that way. I used to be very, very shy and didn't have a lot of confidence. But as I continued to shoot more, I would just have them drop me off and pick me up later. Now I have someone who drives me, walks me to the door, and then comes back later (which is commonly called a "driver" not an "escort) as I do not drive at all. I think a driver is actually a good compromise for an escort for those who might not be comfortable just going it alone completely. And you know what? That is understandable. Women are told from very, very early on to make sure they take every safety precaution and if they get attacked maybe it was because they did something wrong. I hope that photographers understand this and even if a photographer feels they are awesomely trustworthy and wouldn't hurt a fly, at least try to understand that we probably believe you, but we also have this fear put into us. I know this is a touchy subject, but it's relevant.

10) Make sure that you are cautious of your surroundings when you are shooting. A studio is usually fine, but if you're shooting out doors or on location, there could be people around or even things you could step on, fall off of, etc. Don't be afraid to say that you're not okay climbing on something in those high heels. Don't be afraid to let the photographer help you up or down either. I know physical contact can seem a little uncomfortable for some of us (me included), but if it seems genuine, don't worry about it.

11) Remember that with some styles of shooting accidents happen. If you're being body painted or doing rope bondage work, it's very likely a part of your may be touched that wouldn't normally be. Unless you are 100% sure it was done on purpose and with the intent to grope you, don't make a big deal of it. Usually photographers will ask before they touch you, but please don't flip out if they don't. If it makes you uncomfortable, just say something like "Oh! You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to touch me. Let me know next time, please?" Sometimes photographers get really into a shot and they forget that some models are not comfortable being touched, especially when they've worked with models who don't mind. If it just happens once, let it go. Someone who continues to do it after you made it clear they should let you know first, that could be an issue, but follow your instincts. Most photographers are good people.

So there are my words about safety. Obviously, nothing is 100% effective for every person in every case, but this set of rules has been good to me and I've been told they work for others, so I wanted to share them with you. In addition to all of what I have written here I strongly suggest all models find a few other models who shoot similar styles in their area and talk with them regularly on who is good to shoot with, who isn't, etc. Many areas have FB groups for this purpose as well.

If you found this helpful, I encourage you to share it, so feel free to share the link as much as you'd like. If you'd like to do anything other than that, please drop me an e-mail along with the link to the article and we can discuss it. My e-mail is dekilah@gmail.com.

On Tattoos & Being A "Natural" Model

Anybody who has seen me naked (which is probably everyone reading this) knows I don't have any tattoos. I also don't have any piercings other than standard single ear piercings which I very, very rarely (like once a year) wear earrings in. But I'm not sure how many people actually know why. Or how many of you know about one type of tattoos that I have a not so secret, but kind of secret, obsession with.

One of my secret tattoo love photos ^_~
Photographer: Joshua Winstead, Henna by Magic Monkey Mehendi

First off, I am not anti-tattoos. I have many, many friends who have some beautiful tattoos. And I've seen my fair share of horribly done tattoos as well. I think they are just like anything else: if done well, they can be very beautiful, and if not, they can look pretty bad. I also think sometimes it doesn't matter how they look to the rest of us sometimes because many people get tattoos for specific reasons and to remind them of certain people or experiences in their lives. So to those of us on the outside looking it, the tattoo might be horrible, or badly placed, or inconsistent with the rest of their pieces, but to them, maybe that tattoo has a beautiful meaning or purpose.

When I was younger I actually thought I might get some tattoos. Something pretty extravagant too, like a huge cherry blossom tree on my back, or a big panther going down my back and butt, and with the tail around my leg, or a koi fish along my side. A lot of this was "inspired" by the guys I was interested in at the time since they all seemed to just love tattoos and thought tattooed women were very sexy. And bottom line, I wanted to be sexy because I really didn't feel very sexually attractive at the time. I know that sounds a little negative, but it's the truth.

Then I decided (or rather remembered) that I don't like needles and, more importantly, I don't like permanent things on my body. I used to dye my hair less natural colors because I knew I could always dye it back and/or it would finally grow out. The beauty and the drawback of tattoos are that they are pretty much forever (with some exceptions). And for me, that's just not something I want. I like to be able to be (or at least look) completely natural, so I've actively chosen not to modify my body in any permanent way.

And to me that is a conscious choice, just like people consciously choose to be modified. And I think conscious choices are something to be respected.

What's really kind of amusing is that sometimes I feel like the "odd" one because I don't have tattoos. I don't mean that as a bad thing, but I do find it interesting that as much as people say they want "natural" models, most of the most successful freelance models I know have tattoos. If I look on Zivity, I actually can't name more than a couple other fairly active Zivity models who are unmodified, though I know there are a few more at least.

I also find it interesting that so, so many photographers claim they want natural models, so I should be in quite high demand and able to charge somewhat of a premium rate, but I can tell you quite honestly that it is certainly not the case. Sometimes I wonder if I might actually be more successful if I did dye my hair a bold color and get some very tasteful large tattoos. Of course, I would never do those things because they would not be me and I would quickly wish I had not done them, but as a model, I do wonder. And before you flip out and try to tell me I should never change just for modeling and I am fine the way I am... cool your jets. Models wonder about these things. I think everyone does. But for models, this is our job and we do wonder if we could make changes that would increase our earnings. I don't hate my hair at all, I quite love it, and I definitely don't hate my body.

I actually just ordered some wigs thanks go my very supportive husband who made me go pick some out. I picked two in very unnatural colors and I'm sure you'll be seeing them soon after they arrive. The ones I chose were both curly with bangs/fringe. If I like these, I am sure I will be getting more. I think they'll be great for cosplay and fun for mixing up my look in photos, too.

Photographer: Joshua Winstead, Henna by Magic Monkey Mehendi

 And as for tattoos... I do have that secret tattoo love I mentioned at the start of this: henna (which is what is all of the photos in this post). It lasts just the right amount of time and the deep red on my skin tone is quite lovely. Unfortunately, it's quite expensive and good artists can be hard to find. I've had a couple friends in the past that did my henna, but they both moved away from me. I'm working on some projects to turn my body into a canvas again, so if you know any Detroit artists interested in working on a nude/semi nude tiny model canvas, let me know ^_~

I absolutely love having henna-ed feet!
Photographer: Trinity Roy, Henna by Magic Monkey Mehendi

Also, I do have a special project on Tumblr where I share nude, lingerie, and similar photos of un-modified women (basically, no piercings aside from single earrings, no plastic surgery, no tattoos). I am always looking for submissions and more followers: http://untouchedskinblog.tumblr.com ^_^

My Video Plan

Those of you who follow me on Facebook, either my profile or my page, probably saw me talking about videos over the end of this past week. I started Thursday with a short cell-phone clip of my voice saying thank you for reaching 1,250 followers on my Facebook page. This was my first speaking video ever published. Friday I finally uploaded a video of myself taking a shower, which was met with a lot of excitement, but then when I actually made it available for 20 votes on Zivity or something of similar value on my wishlist, nobody really jumped on the offer, or at least not that quickly. Which is okay, and I think I know why, but I'll get back to that in a moment. Then Friday night I did a test video of a nude blogging idea I had.

This isn't the first time I've experimented with video. I have a few art nude type videos up on Vimeo and a few hair brushing and foot fetish related videos between Vimeo and YouTube. To date, the foot fetish videos, with just one exception, have all been filmed in the tub with my cell phone. I've done a couple other videos similar to them showing other parts of my body and my face with my cell phone as well. I've done themed hair brushing and braiding videos. For example, I have one in a girdle skirt and a cardigan with pearls for a vintage feel. I've also done one that was just me in underwear brushing my hair. And finally, and first for me in terms of what I've filmed, are more artistic nude and lingerie videos of me doing this combination of slowly posing/dancing. Here is an example:

Many time I've run into the issue that 1) I can't post nude videos just any where and 2) In order to upload consistently as I would like to do, I really need to upgrade my Vimeo account. I also had a little creative hiccup where I was starting to drift a little bit from my personal goals and standards/limits. To be quite honest, I wanted to do things that I thought would garner me the most attention and the most views, and I think that is easily nude stuff. I was going to do a nude vlogging series. However, this again brings in the issue that I need more space on my Vimeo. I also feel that it would be taken as very sexual, even if I don't mean it to be.

So... after thinking about this way too much this weekend and really examining my goals, here is what I have decided to do:
1) More art nude videos like this: https://vimeo.com/86478562
2) More sensual lingerie and such like these two: http://youtu.be/12x3SI36kUc and http://youtu.be/MYk8oPXLjKA
3) A special hair brushing/play/etc project involving creating characters and scenes and so on.
4) More of the simple foot fetish videos I film on my cell.
5) A lingerie vlogging series.

Now before you pitch a fit and ask why I'm not doing the nudes as a vlog series, here is why: I can't post those confidently on YouTube and I cannot monetize them on YouTube. I don't want to post my videos on porn sites, so I need to create content that fits the guidelines of YouTube where I can monetize the content (via ads). I haven't had a lot of luck selling videos outside of specific types for Zivity sets. And I totally get why. There is a lot of nude video content that is free and I don't currently have a market of people who want to pay video by video to here me vlog about things. And as I said earlier, I feel like the fun part of vlogging and my personality and such might be overshadowed by the "OMG, she's naked! Boobs!" nonsense. I post nude photos all the time and I will keep doing nude artistic videos and all of the nude photos I can find to do. But really, I think I can make things fun and hopefully at least somewhat entertaining while wearing lingerie too. I don't have to be nude to be interesting, right? I'd like to explore some new styles, including non-nude work and I think this might be a fun way to do that.

With these videos, I will also be doing unboxing type videos from now on when I receive gifts from fans. I will thank you by name (unless requested otherwise) and when possible, I'll probably do a two part video. One part showing the items, and then another part trying it on. Since these will hopefully be YouTube safe, there won't be any nudity, though. I will still send each gift giver person of awesome a few cell phone photos of me trying the item on for the first time in my hallway mirror.

As far as the nude videos, those will all be going on Vimeo, along with any fetish videos (though YouTube safe fetish videos will go there as well). I am hoping that I can upgrade my Vimeo to Vimeo Plus which will allow me to enable something called Tip Jar which allows people to easily (I think) tip me for videos they like.

Oh, and for my Zivity fans, for a certain number of votes (to be decided, input welcome) I will do a simple, but very sincere thank you video probably hand-holding my phone and focused on my face. I am also planning to do more videos to go with sets as incentives for that.

So how can you help me with this endeavor if you want to? Lovely question ^_~ Here are the ways I can think of:
1) Help me upgrade my Vimeo. It costs $9.95 for a month, or $59.95 for a year. This upgrade will get me the Tip Jar function, but will also allow me to upload a lot more content (so more than one video per week). This is my top priority. Here is info on that: https://vimeo.com/upgrade1v2
2) Get me things from my wishlist that I can do unboxing videos on (which is anything on the list) or suggest items that you would like to see me have and be interested in getting for me. My wishlist (be sure to look on the left for categories): http://amzn.com/w/3IM2J0NK4WZ1L
3) Vote for my sets on Zivity. I generally use the money I get from Zivity to put back into my modeling either for make-up or wardrobe, unless I have a bill come up that absolutely must get paid first. You can see my Zivity sets here: https://www.zivity.com/users/Dekilah

If you want to chat with me about this, you can PM me on Facebook or e-mail me at dekilah@gmail.com. I am open to ideas for videos within the themes I mentioned too ^_^ I hope you guys will be as excited about these new and continued ideas as I am telling you about them!

A cute casual self portrait

My Weekend: FCBD & Detroit Rummage

I had an amazing weekend, so of course I wanted make a diary entry about it ^_^ Though, admittedly, this has taken me a little longer than I wanted to actually get together.

Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, and it was my first FCBD ever because apparently I am super late to the party. I went to Green Brain Comics because that is my official comic book store of choice. I went in there a while ago with my husband to drop off some flyers and ended up spotting Bodie Troll comics right away. Bodie Troll issues #3 and #4 were my first comic purchases ever (for myself). I finally got #1 and #2 off of Ebay since they couldn't get them in the store. And for FCBD I got the special FCBD issue and a coloring book ^_^ Annnnnd a picture with the Bodie Troll creator Jay Fosgitt!

Me with Jay ^_^ Yes, I am that tiny :P

I also got drawn as a cat doing human things by another awesome artist named Rachel Polk. I picked up the two little mini comics she had featuring cats (of course) and an adorable little chubby bird. In case it's not obvious, I like cute things. I know I like to dress like an evil queen and I know I pose nude and stuff, but I love cute things and I love animals. Seriously. Bring a pony or a large dog in front of me and I will stop pretty much anything else I am doing in a hurry so I can pet it.

Me drawn as a cat with a camera, by Rachel Polk

My cute little signed comics by Rachel Polk

And of course I got several other things as well. The ones on the left were all free comics, and the ones on the right were things I purchased. Sorry about the bad lighting in some of these, I am horrible at cell phone photos and I really wanted to get this post published.

Then I went down the the Tangent Gallery, aka one of my homes away from home, to help DVS hang a couple pieces of art for the Gates of Ra event. That got a little bit crazy since it was a "DIY," hang your own art situation, but they hadn't figured out the wall space yet. Luckily, this meant I got to chat with Jason of Motor City Bonsai who also helps manage the Chaos Talent models group with and help him unpack some awesome little clay mushrooms. If you haven't seen his bonsais and pottery, you should go check out Motor City Bonsai on Facebook! Oh, and remember this self portrait I posted a bit ago? That is one of his creations I am holding.

The Offering, a self portrait by Dekilah

The rest of Saturday was spent preparing for the 1st Detroit Rummage sale. Sunday morning DVS and I arrived to find that the show before us hadn't cleared out all of their stuff yet, so we had to scramble to move things around. Thank goodness for Joe, the owner of Tangent (who is always awesome), and a couple vendors who had booths and came in early, since they helped us move all that stuff. A bit later on, a very awesome fan of mine stopped by to help, too. There for a couple hours I was totally on super quick event elf mode getting all of the vendors in their spaces, helping them figure out where to load in, and solving some minor issues. Once the event opened, everyone settled in and things went really well.

I sold a lot of my clothes and accessories I brought, and I even found some stuff to buy too. I'm sure I'll be featuring them in future outfits and photos. My favorite part of the whole of event was seeing all the friends that were there and getting to meet a few of my FB friends/fans. Apparently I look both shorter and younger in person ^_~ Just for fun here is a photo of me posing with a giant Darth Vader head that was at the event:

FB Issues, Booking Shoots & Getting Out There

This post will be more like an actual diary post, translation: all over the place ^_~

First, my issues with Facebook. Or more accurately, Facebook's issues with me. I have a FB fanpage and before last week I would regularly post a photo or link once or twice a day to that page. Sometimes I would post a FB photo, but also link to my Tumblr post on that image so people could like and reblog it there. Sometimes I would share a censored image and link to the uncensored image. And then other times I would simply post a link to a nude image, but with no preview. I was under the impression that I was well within the TOS and following the rules far more in line than many other models and photographers I've seen. Many of these people have tons more fans than I do, so their pages are seen by far more people (and thus would be more likely to be reported), yet I have issues. I could curse FB all day long, but at the end of the day the fact would remain that I simply can no longer share my Tumblr links there. I tried URL shorteners like Bitly and using Twitters URL for each post, but FB still recognizes it as coming from my Tumblr URL and blocks it. The message I get when I try to post it is that the website is "unsafe."

A non-Facebook safe photo, photographer: Dustin Patrick

What I find even more frustrating is that every single photo or post with a link to my Tumblr has been removed, not just on my page, but on my profile as well. This means all the comments and such are gone as well. On the positive side of that particular issue, I get to upload them and promote them all again which is not so bad.

But this leaves me at a weird place. I'm not sure what to do, really. Right now I'm just trying to get the word out and let people know to follow me on Twitter and Tumblr. I can still post Zivity set links, Etsy shop links, etc. If you have any ideas, please let me know either on Facebook or via e-mail (dekilah at gmail dot com).

Update: Today (the day after this post was written) I logged on to Facebook to find that my Tumblr posts and photos had been restored and that I was able to post my Tumblr link once again. I still am not sure what happened, but I'm glad it's back to normal!

Moving on... I had a great shoot on Saturday with Stein McGee who is a local designer, hair stylist, MUA (and more) and J Singleton who is a photographer. I don't want to give away too much about what the shoot was about, but it is one of Stein's projects and I couldn't be involved with her past events due to time conflicts, so I was thrilled when she contacted me to do a photoshoot. During this photoshoot I got to pose on the roof of Tangent gallery. Tangent is really like a second home to me now, and it's the venue for most of the events I work on. But for this shoot I got to explore areas further up in the building, beyond the gallery and ballroom, that I had never been to before. And of course, I had Mason the very large dog (Rottweiler, I think) to pet on while I was getting ready, and a very bratty little long haired kitty upstairs during the shoots to provide cat-ly presence. I will be sharing these photos as soon as I can and I think you are going to love them!

A FB safe photo, photographer: Aglet Photography

After that shoot, I decided that I really want to start booking more shoots again. I think I've said this about 50 times in the last two years. The problem is kind of... complicated. I moved to Detroit from East TN. In East TN I was one of the top models, and apparently the top nude model. Pretty much everybody knew who I was and I had carefully built up a really good reputation by word of mouth, primarily, from photographers who had shot with me. I had a falling out (over something personal) with a female photographer and part of the community ended up pushing me out, but that was only at the very tail end of my time there and it was already improving when I moved here. I moved into this market with a solid portfolio and already know a fair number of people here, but I feel like I've had to start all over. I've gone to photoshoots and had photographers ask me "Oh do you model much?" It stings a little bit to be honest. I worked so hard as a model for years, only to move someplace and nobody knows who I am.

It seems like I could just start over and do what I did before, but it's not that simple. I have a good portfolio and I have a lot less time than I used to, so doing a bunch of trade shoots regardless of quality just to build up my name is not really a luxury I have time for. I also have health issues, as many of you know, and I do not drive, plus I have car anxiety issues, so I'm kind of cautious about who I ride with, not just for my sake, but because sometimes I have mini panic attacks and it's nothing to do with the driver or how they are driving. I don't really want to spend a lot of time talking about it, but it's an issue and not one that everyone understands.

A really cool conceptual shoot I did with DVS

Anyway... I'm trying to work on booking more shoots. And of course that always has its own set of issues. Here the issue is two fold 1) driving time and 2) finding locations. A lot of people in Detroit don't seem to have a place to shoot, even a home studio (by the way, I actually like home studios if they are done decently well). I don't like the idea of trespassing and every time I bring that up I feel like I hit a wall, but if I don't mention it I get 10 offers wanting me to go to abandoned buildings. I know they can look really cool, but I'm just not comfortable with it. And nobody around here who wants to shoot seems very close to me. I feel like 30 minutes one way is a pretty fair driving time, maybe 45 minutes at most. And it's not like this is out in the country where everyone is really far apart and there aren't that many people. I have decided that possibly there is a field of energy that keeps photographers out of my immediate and somehow myself and my husband have slipped past this radar. This seems to be an acceptable and plausible explanation as I have found no other explanation.

But I'm pushing past all the barriers and making myself stick it out. Sure shooting myself in my living room is arguably easier in some ways, but I only have my style and I actually enjoy collaborating with other people. Plus, I want to do more clothed shoots, more shoots with hair and makeup, and different styles. That is what I LOVE about modeling. I love trying new things. And having my makeup done is pretty much like a state of euphoria for me. Also exciting: Detroit has bodypainters! Like real, live, talented bodypainters! I never had access to anybody like that in TN and now I'm talking to people about at least 2 more bodypaint shoots. My vintage dresses may also be coming out to play soon.

A bodypaint shoot I did with photographer Carl Chen and MUA/bodypainter Erick Gerson

All in all, it's going to be challenging to push myself out there, but I think I can at least get to the point that some more people recognize me. And if my current inboxes are any indication, I can be a very, very busy at modeling again if I want to be ^_^

Where Am I Going

This post was actually inspired by a question a Facebook friend asked, but since this is a topic I'm planning to discuss on its own and not with any other questions, I thought I would just let it be a regular blog post.

First, a little history which I will try to keep brief: I started modeling at about this time in 2009. Prior to a couple brief conversations and failed situations a year or two before, I'd never really considered modeling. Honestly, I'd always thought my intelligence was my strong point and I wasn't really that physically attractive. I had taken a course in photography (slide film in a Pentax K1000) in college, but the instructor was not that inspiring and seemed to particularly dislike me, probably because I wasn't able to drop a few hundred dollars on a better camera like some of the other students, and so I never really considered photography.

An attempt at something gothic inspired from my first shoot, Photographer: John Wilson

Once I got into modeling, and just before, I wanted to do pin-up modeling with cars and gothic/fetish fashion (including latex, gothic Victorian, and Japanese Gothic lolita/elegant lolita). What I ended up doing was a very small amount of self (and not well) styled gothic, and then a lot of portrait type stuff, and then lingerie and swimwear, and then about two months in I started doing nudes. I did a mix of clothed and nudes for a while, then started depending on the shoots (mostly nude) for income, then realized that wasn't going to happen where I lived, and still stuck with mainly nudes because that's what I enjoyed and what I was good at. I never had any inkling of wanting to be a photographer until about a year into being on Zivity. I had some old sets, but that photographer was no longer in the picture and I wanted to shoot more sets to try and bring in a little more income. At first I just did single shots and not really any sets, but I quickly started shooting sets. I just did that for a while, but then I started doing shots just to have one or two photos as "art" and not for a set or anything. I still do that. I shoot a set, and then I'll shoot some concepts.

As far as my freelance modeling (for other photographers) goes, that has slowed down. I used to shoot every week or a couple times a week, but circumstances have changed and I have a pretty decent portfolio so unless a concept really catches my attention or the money is really good and within a short distance, I just don't shoot a lot outside of group shoots, which I love because I can shoot with multiple people all in a day or two and even if one shoot goes a bit wrong, I know I'm still going to get photos from the other shoots to make my time worth it, and I very rarely have a shoot that I get nothing out of anyway. I also enjoy doing workshops, but nobody local to me (within half hour or less) seems to offer them with a good reputation and decent pay.

One of my more experimental self portraits, part of my Blue series

I have never had a real interest in photographing other models or anything else. I photograph myself because I want to model and in order to do that and get photos, I need a photographer. Because I have health, time & transportation issues photographing myself just works. I do like assisting other photographers in shooting other models, helping with posing and lights, etc, but right now I'm just not into the idea of shooting other models. I think this is because most of my ideas are very personal and centered around myself as the model.

So, that's pretty much where I am right now. I haven't been shooting as much self portrait work because my shooting space is constantly filled up with art work and event stuff for the events I work on. I also just don't feel as inspired to shoot now as I did when I first started self portraits. I see less income on my Zivity sets and I haven't done as well selling prints on Etsy as I had hoped. I am working on figuring out how I can do better on both of those sites since I think once I figure that out I might feel more like shooting. A lot of it is also that I just don't have any new ideas that I'm dying to shoot, either. I've shot most of the wardrobe I have and most of what I have left doesn't look good on the background choices I have and since I prefer minimal editing, that is a pretty big factor.

A conceptual piece done with DVS, based on tattoos, done without Photoshop

I am talking to DVS about shooting more with him. I may not feel like shooting myself, but I can model almost any time. It is just the setting up of the camera and lights and backdrop that takes quite a while and often I get so frustrated that I end up not even wanting to shoot by the time I'm done. I know that sounds not so pleasant, but this is my diary and that is the truth. Again, I think cleaning out the space will help when I can do that because then I can leave my lights and such out. Anyway, I've been discussing some concepts with DVS and once a few other things are done, I think we'll definitely be shooting more. And that will probably spark me to shoot more self portraits.

In general, I'd like to start doing more work with make-up (of which I have plenty :P ) and with stylized outfits. Things like cosplay, dark beauty work, pin up, and so on. In line with that I want to start doing more clothed, or partially clothed work. I still want to do nudes, but I'd really like to explore other area of my modeling as well and I know I will have to work hard to get photos that I like as much as my nudes since I've had far more practice with those.

One of my first make-up centered self portraits, I'd like to explore these more

I would also like to experiment more with my lighting and different bulbs. I like continuous lighting and hot lights, and I don't really want to work with flashes or strobes. My space is fairly small (it's a dining room) and the lights I use are also ideal for self portraits because I can see the lighting right away. I want to try some backlit stuff and DVS is showing me how to do that, but the lights have to be positing just right and if I move too much, it's not going to work so it will require even more shooting and checking and back and forth to the camera/my laptop than my usual self portraits do.

I also think at some point in the future I might like to be hired to help in posing and directing models. And maybe one day I will start shooting other models. I haven't totally shunned the idea, I just don't feel it's a good fit for me right now. I might also start to play around with nature photography. I'm a little surprised I haven't already given that I love nature and animals, and tend to notice and focus on them a lot. I just need to get better at angles and perspectives. My snapshots of things are horrible!

I've thought about trying to enter in more shows, but so far that's just been a lot of expense with little to no return. I know that's kind of how it goes, but I don't like pouring money into it without seeing any kind of return. I'd rather share my work online where I at least get feedback and nice comments ^_~ I'll still be showing occasionally, but not on any large scale for a while, I think.

I don't plan to give up either modeling or self portraits any time soon. I have yet to find another art form that I feel successful at and I enjoy it. I like being able to share myself in different ways and modeling is a big part of that.

"Stigmata," a conceptual shoot with Dassault Diaries, I'd love to do more like this

Q & A #2: Comfort Zones & Conceptual Shoots

And here we go with #2 in my Q & A series ^_^ This time I'm just going to copy and paste the question:

"How about stepping out of your comfort zone or being ready to try new things. Sometimes models are presented with a concept that may seem unfamiliar but the end result is great. Could mean trying new unusual poses."

This question is really interesting and because I know the person who asked, I'm hoping I can answer it even better than I might have just as a standard question. I'm not going to say any more about the person because I generally keep people anonymous in these sorts of things unless asked to do otherwise. ^_~

I think as I've became more and more experienced in my modeling in the past, I ran into the issue that I was starting to get a little frustrated with doing the same thing over and over. I'm not even sure I realized that was why I was frustrated, but I now know it was. I still enjoyed modeling, I just needed more from it sometimes. This is where conceptual work really comes in nicely. It allows me to take a break from my art nudes and to focus more on becoming a character. For me becoming a character is a bit of a challenge because I am a horrible actress. I'm also horrible at lying. Seriously. So what I have to do is reach inside myself and pull out parts of myself that fit that character and work from there. Here an example where I am the Evil Queen from Snow White:

"The Solution," a collaboration with DVS

I really enjoyed this image because I love the Evil Queen and I love getting all dressed up. It was a lot of work and putting the outfit together with DVS was a real challenge. The fact that he shoots everything in studio and that nothing is "photoshopped" in makes it even more challenging in a fun way. 

Other times conceptual work might just mean working with a specific mood or props or in a certain location, etc, rather than bringing together a whole separate character. I used to be horrible with props. I didn't want to do the same things I'd seen over and over, unless the photographer requested it or it was the only option, and then I didn't know what else to do. It took some time to learn to step outside of my comfort zone of just posing myself and learning to pose with an object. Usually, I start by interacting in a way that seems normal (reading a book, for example), then I might try adjusting the position of the book, then I might start moving away from using the book in any practical way and focus on moving around it. I may lay it on the ground next to my feet or hold it in front of my face. I just keep going until I run out of ideas with it, no matter how odd they may seem. Plus, when I'm doing this, it gives the photographer a chance to just shoot and see what comes of it, or maybe they get an idea too. Here an example with a couple really cool pieces of wardrobe, both shot within the same session:

Photographer: Clever9Design

Photographer: Clever9Design

And there have been times when I was approached with a concept that I was unsure of. It wasn't against my limits, just something I wasn't really familiar with or something I wasn't sure about. I hope that makes sense. I don't believe in pushing any hard limits (for example, I don't shoot porn, or spreads), but I think doing something different can be really beneficial (maybe getting a little dirty, or posing with an odd prop). Or, as the question mentioned, trying some different poses. Some times I get so caught up in creating certain lines, I totally forget others. For example, I'm always arching my back, but now sometimes I try curving it up and out (like a cat). It doesn't look as sexy or whatnot, but it can look really interesting. And I'll even admit that there have been concepts that I thought I'd look a little off in and it ended up that the photographer saw a vision and I actually fit in quite well, I just didn't realize I would. Here is one example of that inspired by Frida Kahlo:

Photographer: Eric Toth

I'm not saying that every time a photographer has approached me with a concept I wasn't sure about that I accepted. That's definitely not true. But I always look at their other work and what ever information they have given me. If someone looks like they have pulled off some concepts before, then I'm much more likely to give it a go. Sometimes I just take a chance anyway, and honestly, I wish I had the time to do that more often.